Notes from Munich

I went to Germany last year and had some observations, and forgot to post them here, so here goes:

Greetings from the absolutely beautiful city of Munich. Been terrorizing the town for about a week now. I'll leave some summarized tidbits on here, in a convenient bulleted format. Honestly, who reads past the summary anyway?

1) Beer costs less than Coke here.
2) Germans don't like long drinking toasts. Gets in the way of drinking. Prost!
3) Germans love American music. To an unhealthy extent.
4) Most Germans known English. My theory: because of #3.
5) Ausfahrt means an exit on a road (like an interstate exit). I think it sounds like "Ass-fart". When I tell the Germans this, they find it hilarious, too.
6) Everyone here is at least bilingual, if not trilingual. Makes me feel undeveloped. Or American. I constantly tell the "if you speak one language, you're American" joke.
7) An old German man kept talking to me in German on the subway, after I told him I spoke English only. I just nodded and laughed at random intervals, and that kept the conversation going for 15 awkward minutes. I think he was talking about being fat (he kept gesturing at his gut).
8) There are very few fat Germans, but there aren't that many fit Germans either. Unlike America, where we tend toward extremes it seems.
9) Eating German food is like being at the state fair all the time. Tastes great, but definitely will kill you and it gets old after a while. This might be why everyone seems pretty young here.
10) You measure beer consumption in Liters. It's a brilliant system. 1 Liter of beer for dinner, 2 to get drunk, 3 is too much. Beats counting ounces.
11) German cabs are nicer than your car. Unless you drive something better than a new Mercedes with leather seats.
12) The German public transportation system, in a word, rocks.
13) Germans love karaoke, to a fault.
14) Germans made me do karaoke. To a fault (obviously).
15) The best way to do a German accent is to say it like you're mocking them. Then it actually sounds right.
16) If a German is talking loudly to you, it's very difficult to tell if he's telling a joke or about to kick your ass.
17) There are a LOT of bikes here. You are more likely to get run over by a bike than a car.
18) The autobahn does kick ass, if there's not traffic on it. I got the company car up to 185 km/hr (~115mph). Not bad for a diesel.
19) I think you can count the number of Blacks here on one hand.
20) Germans put weird shit on pizza. Prosciutto, Tuna, Olives, peppercinni, lettuce, salami, etc.
21) There's a Hard Rock Cafe here. I hate that place.
22) I found an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet. The waitress spoke perfect English, Thai, and German.
23) We went and saw some local German bands play. Surprisingly, not all German music sounds like Rammstein. It probably should.
24) Don't bring up the war.

New Year’s Eve Party Recap, by the numbers.

Background: The theme of the party was "2008: Well That Sucked!"

Wow. That’s all I’m going to say, wow. A party is only as good as its people (and booze). We definitely were in the element. Here is a comprehensive recap, for those who missed it (or for those who were there and still missed it).

48: hours notice for the party. Not bad!
8: Number of New Years Eves around the world we intended to celebrate.
6: Number of New Years Eves actually celebrated (whoops)
7: Times Ryan’s sexuality came into question after donning a green feather boa.
4: Smirnoff ice lights left in my fridge. Who the hell brings Sminoff Ice Lite to a party? I think it was Ryan
1: time I shot Simon in the ass with a champagne cork
5: times I reprimanded Molly for helping clean up after the party
6: time I thanked her
17: Mexican jokes I directed at Santiago (who’s not Mexican)
5: Mexican jokes I directed at Martinez (who is)
2: number hours Chris Martinez was late by
3: times Betsy explained to me how her dress looked like an old lady dress (it was actually pretty hot)
9: people who showed up dressed better than me
2: people who could have passed for butlers
3: number of times I changed
187: times I thanked people for coming over
12: depth, in millimeters of “party floor” residue
38: approximate number of champagne bottles in the house
2: champagne bottles left
4: approximate volume, in liters, of champagne on the floor
14: “Guest DJs” drunkenly trying to play on my turntables
3: number of people who brought food to my party after I said I would have food at the party.
1: unexpected vegetarian who had to go out for food (“The animals ate vegetables!” argument didn’t stick).
25%: of Shiner keg remaining
5: gallons of margarita consumed (prime hangover suspect)
18: games of pool played
4: drunk dials apparently made from my phone (luckily no consequences)
2: random couch people in the morning
14: spongebob stickers relocated to various parts of the house.
0: douchebag quota for the party (said so on the invite)
2: number of d-bags spotted
6: times people left for another crappy party and returned. Why did you doubt me?!
5: commitments made that I forgot about in morning
8: people who came who said they weren’t coming. Way to set expectations!
1: random connection I discovered to a friend back in Atlanta (Go Julie!)
2: Embarrassing pictures on facebook of me (So far)
11PM: when Betsy passed out. Wimp.
47: pizza bites eaten
56: number of “balls dropping” jokes. (2nd annual new years party! Come watch our balls drop!)
65%: functioning memory at 2am
3: salsa songs that somehow got played
6: new years resolutions broken at the party
2: difference, in minutes of several iphones that are supposedly on the same time.
1: leap second gained in 09
1: leap second used up writing that. Shit.
0: running count of Todd S appearances at our parties
1: delicious pot of salsa (while we’re talking about salsa…)
4: times Ryan and Chris did the “Stanky Legg” (Heyyyyyy!)
0: visits by police. <- success!
0: asses through windows (here’s looking at you slaughterhouse)
7: people surprised that I cleaned the house before the party. Thanks for the vote of confidence guys.
4560: estimated calories in crack-cocaine-cheese dip I made (secret ingredient: people!)
43179: Length of time, in seconds, of hangover. (These kind of hangovers, you count in seconds).

Nobody reads these things anyway

When I first started this blog, I figured I'd document my adventure of moving to Austin, with my usual lack of planning for the scenario that I would no longer be new to Austin. Well, here I am, 3 years in, but fortunately, I was wrong on this account. After upgrading from a suburban rental home in a quiet neighborhood to a suburban home in a slightly less quiet neighborhood, lo and behold, it's an adventure all over again. While Pflugerville's offerings of a wide variety of off-the-shelf fast food and questionable locals on the east side of I35 are tempting to even the most seasoned Austinite, I had decided that I had enough of extreme suburbia to move a bit closer downtown. Interesting to say the least; I'm enjoying all the benefits from being closer to work and downtown to having the friendly locals kindly clean my vehicle of any items that have outlived their usefulness like my stereo and my backpack (sans laptop, fortunately).

But that's neither here nor there, I did experience an interesting situation while dining (brunching? It was early still...) in Maudie's the other day with a friend from Atlanta. Mid-breakfast-taco-with-serrano-and-tamale-bite, I couldn't help but notice a charming vignette of the modern American family. It was the giggling of the kid waving a piece of bacon around that caught my attention, and then his rotund mother's scowling the held it. Actually, rotund is too kind a word, this woman engulfed her chair as if you threw one of those popular-in-the-80's beanbag chairs on your little brother. After quickly admiring the engineer that thoughtfully designed the chair withstand 3x it's static load limit, I pieced the unfolding drama together.

Apparently the kid stole mom's last piece of bacon from her plate, and she was not happy. I feared for the kid as she might up and devour him too as it seems she had done with everything else that had broken the no-fly zone of her clutches. After making some veiled threats about the kid's favorite morning show characters, the bacon-hoarder finally relinquished control of the tasty pork to mom, who at this point was sweating from emotional turmoil of potentially lost bacon (I almost don't blame her, bacon is awesome, can't cover that topic in one post). Of course, I'm torn between laughing and crying out loud (reminder, start internet meme movement of COLing) while thinking, wow, maybe people just enjoy being grotesquely overweight.

So, to each their own, but next time I'm bringing a video camera. And ordering bacon.

Tidbits.

Bought a pinball machine today for $100. Hell yeah. Oddly enough, been in this business for 15 years, never got around to getting my own machine.

Rant of the day: I held a door for these two girls while I was carrying two 12-packs of coke and assorted gas station goodies. Not so much as a glance, much less a THANK YOU. I hope they get hit by a dump truck, and then beaten with the ugly stick for good measure. Assholes. What happened to Southern Hospitality? I think they live in my apartment complex too...

Also, got to play my first game o' hockey tonight. Exhausting, yet liberating.

More work (er class) tomorrow.

Here we go Austin!

Okay, so fell off the face of the (blog) planet, so here's the short version:

I now live in an apartment. By myself. In Austin, Texas. I work for National Instruments full time.

I have anticipated some often asked questions you may have:

• Yes, I own a truck. No, I do not own a gun rack nor have near-term plans for installing one.
  
• Yes, the barbeque here is absolutely incredible.
  
• Yes, Austin chicks are amazingly hot (especially when viewed through Tech goggles).
  
• No, I have not seen G.W. roaming around these parts.
  
• No, there is not an oil well in the back yard.
  
• No, there are no cities "Near" here. The closest thing is San Antonio, over an hour away.
  
• Yes, it is hot as hell here, but it's a dry heat (so far...)
  
• And finally, yes, Austin is cooler than whatever city you're currently in (with the possible exception of San Fransisco or San Diego)
  

Other tidbits:

• I am mostly moved in. I do not own a couch yet, but I need one (preferably one that isn't covered in beer stains and random holes from god-knows-what).
  
• I bought my first bed, first desk, first bar stools, first spice rack, first paper towel holder, and first bathroom floor mat ever. These were all interesting experiences.
  
• My current job duty is to sit in class 8 hours a day. We learn lots and lots and lots of stuff, in short amounts of time. In 5 weeks, we will have the equivalent seat time of a 13-hour semester. But, at least we can sit online and screw around all day.
  
• I am now a Mac convert. I picked up a Mac Mini (although I prefer my moniker, "MiniMac") on a whim from my dear friend Bela at a LOW LOW price, and I'm hooked. I haven't missed my PC one bit.
  
• I hate rebates. I'll save that one for later.
  
• Shiner Bock, the almost-locally brewed beer, is amazing and flows like water here.
  

So, to sum it up, I'm having a blast here, getting settled is fun, and who knows what lies ahead, hidden in the dark shadow of a texas cactus, waiting to devour me?

The only bad part is picking up and moving cities is I completely lopped off all of my friendships that I built up over the last 5 years in Atlanta. I won't get sappy, but dumping off everyone and starting fresh, while refreshing, is also difficult at times. But again, I'm not the melodramatic art-faggy-whiny-liberal-hippie-douche-I-love-my-dark-feelings-of-pure-destitute-solitude-rage-type that likes to whine about that kind of bullshit all day long and not do anything about it, so that's the last you'll hear of that.

Besides, the guys from work are pretty cool. If only I could convince the interns to bring me coffee.

I promise to update this thing more often.

Gradumicated.

You read it right. I'm done. Graduated. "Enlightend". Freedom. Moving out. Money. 9-5 Work day. Real world. Crap.

Everyone says they can't wait to graduate, but the reality is, we can wait forever to graduate. Once you're out, you're done, and bam, you have to be a responsible member of society. It's fun, exciting--hell I'm looking forward to not being broke constantly--but really, I think we would all rather be in school forever.

They say Tech is a great school to have gone to. I see why. Our alumni are extremely loyal -- sometimes to cult levels. I see where that sense of pride comes from. It's along the lines of emerging from a great battle as a survivor, knowing you made it through what others couldn't. It can make you a conceited sunnuvabitch. But still, I do thumb my nose at all those who trashed on tech, saying it sucks, there's no women, we're miserable, etc. In the long run, we're better off. We know we're making sacrifices to better ourselves for the future.

As far as women go, just remember this: there's no such thing as an ugly rich guy.

CEREMONY FROM HELL: I must say, I would have never endured this graduation ceremony if I didn't suffer through 5 years of Tech. I paid to walk across this stage, in money, sleep, and sanity, and dammit, I'm gonna walk. So I did. But it took me nearly 5 hours to get this done.

Problem is, my class was one of the largest graduating classes in Tech's history. Tech, being the schtickler for tradition that it is, insists on doing the whole ceremony, undergrad, masters, grads, cafeteria workers, and all, in one run. In a way, it's symbolic of Tech's reputation for getting it done and over with a complete disregard for comfort. At least the seats were padded.

We arrived at 8AM - I managed to con a ride out of Ben, and James was tagging along because he had nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) better to be doing on a Saturday morning. There was absolute organized chaos in the parking deck. Imagine 2000+ students getting themselves in alphabetical order by major. I must say, I was impressed that by 9AM, we were all lined up and ready to go. Tech must have called on the resources of its #1 Industrial Engineering program to accomplish this feat.

I think a large portion of us were severely hungover, or looking at oncoming hangovers from the night before. To my great surprise and relief, they had a giant watercooler for us down there. This took the edge off. The two hours of sleep the night before weren't helping.

One of the nice parts of having a huge ceremony is that it was easy to doze off without worrying about being noticed. We also found it was easy to chat and screw around during the ceremony. All the better. Our commencement speaker was this depressing guy from the department of energy, basically saying that the world was boned unless we did something about it. Thanks for the encouragement, buddy.

The actual reading of the names seemed to stretch for an eternity. This is because Tech had the entire population of Bejing and New Delhi walking through the ranks of our PhD program. I doubt most of those guys spoke English as a first language. The rest of us were rudely awakened from our half-slumbers and we eventually wandered up to the stage to receive what turned out to be a rolled up poster witha ribbon tied on it.

Tech's graduation is done in the order of the age of the colleges. So, with the College of Engineering being the first college at tech, we get to go LAST. Within the COE, the majors go in reverse order. And, it turns out Electrical Engineering was the second major at Tech....

I'll spare you the rest of the gory details. To sum up the ceremony, it was indeed a microcosm of life at Tech. Of the people who started it, only 60% of them made it through awake, and were miserable while they were there but damn happy once they were done. It builds character. I'm telling you.

--P

Old Skool!

So I was talking to Ben, and he enlightened me to an online emulator for old Apple II games. In particular, Oregon Trail! Now this brings back some memories from my generation.

Some of my other favorites:

• Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego
• Number Munchers
• Wheel of Fortune

If you've forgotten how far technology has gone, just play these bad boys. Man. Who would have thought you would be able to simulate one computer on another computer in 10 years?

That's the problem with nostalgia--when you go back to relive it, it's never quite as good as you remember it.

Party in my pants

It is everyday, isn't it? Good quote I found:

"I like to use 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable." - Demetri Martin

SPEED BUDDIES: Have you ever had a speeding buddy before? It's one of those unspoken/unwritten relationships that form quickly on the interstate when you're driving for a while on uncrowded roads. I got a speeding buddy on my way to Atlanta last week, and she was pretty attractive too. It's a symbiotic relationship -- you speed together, and hopefully cops will leave you alone. Strength in numbers. I think the term is also sometimes called a "wolfpack".

Something that also really chaffed my knickers was when people would pull up along your right-hand side, while you're already speeding, and try to get in front of you. I wish I had RPGs mounted on my truck.

Backkkk in the USA

It's been a crazy 3 months. I am enlightened, and damn proud to be an American. Sure, we might have our shortcomings, but when you factor in everything, this is the best country to come home to.

GREAT MOVIES: Just got back from watching Sin City. Wow. What a fantastic movie! The main thing I look for in the theatre these days is freshness and a story that stays a step ahead of me. This more than accomplished that. The violence and sexuality just add a nice touch. Most definitely not a good one for the kids, but it leaves quite a mark. That's all I'll say about it. See it.

MEDIOCRE MOVIES: While on the topic of movies, don't see Robots. It's a kids movie, and nothing more. I was hoping with the star-studded cast, especially Robin Williams whom I love, that it would be a smash. Instead, it's just a weak comedy that falls flat with cliche jokes and a dull plot. The animation and eye-candy are absolutely brilliant, styled in the manners of Rube Goldberg. I would have been content to watch it with some music in the background.

Now that I'm back eating quality (and fattening) American food, I have a bad feeling that I'm going to quickly replace any weight that I may have lost while (not) eating lousy New Zealand and Australian food.

Don't get me wrong, the Pacific has many redeeming qualities, but their cuisine definitely isn't one of them. This is probably related to their British heritage...

In New Zealand!

I'm HERE! Or there. Either way, go navigate over to http://paulabroad.blogspot.com to keep abreast of my trip.

Made in the US of A

SNEAKERS: Just a quick note, I found a pair of sneakers actually made in the USA yesterday. New Balances. Not all of their sneakers are, but this pair was, and it was the only pair that was immediately comfortable. Next time you're shoe shopping, keep an eye on where it's made--that's usually a good indicator of how well it will fit and how long it will last.

AUSTRALIA: T-minus 3 days. I've been so busy I haven't even had time to get excited/nervous/anxious yet. It's there somewhere, but probably won't realize it 'till we land in New Zealand.

Today feels like a beanie day...

Santa

HO HO HO: A thought occurred to me, I'd really like to get a hold of Santa's Naughty girls list... Why do you think he says "Ho ho ho!" so much?

Granted, most of those would be in the 6-8 year old range. I guess I know what list I'm going on...

SC WEATHER: According to weather.com, we're due for a "Wintry Mix" tonight. You know what that means. Some nasty combination of sleet/snow/rain/crap that's gonna make everyone wreck their cars in the morning. They're really using the wrong term. It should be referred to as "crapping". As in, "Tonight, there is a 90% chance of Columbia getting crapped on."

Southern drivers are absolutely terrified of snow. Especially when it sticks to the road. Once, Atlanta practically shut down due to the chance of snow. Most people tend to speed up, thinking the faster they can get out of it the less they have to deal with it. Needless to say, the automotive carnage rate rises dramatically when the white stuff falls.

Let it snow!

Christmas Grinch

BA-HUMBUG: It took me 22 years to realize just where Scrooge and the Grinch were coming from. Don't get me wrong, I love Hannukah, Christmas, and all other wintery-fuzzy-feel-good-go-hug-a-buddy holidays. But it is possible to overdo something. And we, as the people of the United States, delve into Christmastime excess like nobody's business.

Many people take on the holiday like a full-time job. Everyone has to give someone else a present. Why? Because a dead carpenter said so. Records show that Jesus was a great guy and all, but having the worlds largest economy based around his birthday, that falls under the "ludicrous" category. I really don't know how it happened, but Christmas is the heartbeat of the U.S. retail industry. I know firsthand. Ever hear of black friday? It's the day after thanksgiving, when holiday shopping makes a lot of businesses go from the red (in debt) to the black (bling).

If you've ever been to South Carolina, home of the equator of the Bible Belt, you'd know that we do Christmas right. Whereas Christmas is usually a one-day thing and often spelled "XMas" in other parts of the country, down here it's a month long holiday, much like Ramadan. It goes from the day after Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve. It's not uncommon to see trailers down here with lights left up year-round.

Now I'm glad that we have something reliable to set our shopping clocks to. But from my experience, it simply isn't worth the stress, time, and money to go through the whole charade. I have an interesting perspective on the whole ordeal, being a man of mixed Judeo-christian heritage. I pick and choose my holidays to suit. Lately, I've been shunning off the whole Christmas thing, it simply isn't worth it. The Christmas-day dinner is good, and using the day for an excuse to bum some cash off the parents is worth it, but the rest is just pure stress.

Which brings me to my biggest pet peeve, gift cards. Why, oh why would you ever buy a gift card? These are awful for a few reasons: One, you're letting Best Buy or Sears or whoever hold on to some money for you for no reason at all. Two, you're limiting your supposed "friend" to what he/she can buy with said money.

Solution: Deliver a $50 bill (or however generous you're feeling), with a note attached saying "Spend this at a Best Buy if you want". There, instant gift card. And you save yourself the awful trip to holiday-mobbed stores.

The real driving force of Christmas is simple: Guilt. It was forces you to go out, spend your money on stupid things that often end up in the landfill, and be miserable for a month. If you pay your dues, spend enough money, and put a sufficent number of miles on your car and your shoes waiting in long store lines, you might be afforded a few hours of peace on Christmas Day, if you're lucky. If not, Guilt will be busy consuming you.

My recommendation: Bake a huge batch of cookies, give them to all your friends, and do away with the superfluous present giving. If you have the urge to give someone a present, give them one! Don't wait for Mr. Wal Mart to tell you it's time to give someone a present. There's no rule against present-giving on days other than Dec. 25.

Of course, as I think back, I realize there is a purpose to the whole charade: We do it for the kids. I remember some great Christmas and Hannukah holidays, happily obvlivious to the hell that our parents went through to put on the whole thing for us. And most people will have similar memories. I think a lot of people are trying to recapture what they felt as a kid, but unfortunately, we're just not that simple as we get older.

JOTD: Who's the most popular guy in the Nudist Colony? The one who can carry two cups of coffee and a half-dozen donuts.

Gluttony glory

FATASS: Monday night is $0.33 wing nite down at D's wings. You probably know where this is going. Long story short, I went out with a co-worker and two of his buddies. Ordered 100 wings between the four of us. Not too bad, 25 wings a pop. I can manage that for desert after most meals. But, once we get going, two of the guys putter out at 10-15 wings each, leaving me and my co-worker about 75-80 wings to polish off between the two of us. Needless to say, I wasn't moving too quick after that. I put down at least 35, perahps maybe 40.

The moral of the story is, make sure you have someone trustworth to eat cheap wings with.

I'm swearing off chicken for the rest of the week.

OUCH: Dentist told me today I have a cavity. Dammit. I've almost completely quit drinking regular soda too... Go figure.

GT SPORTS: My school's sports programs are always amusing. Our basketball team, which is supposed to be awesome, lost a game this week. Meanwhile, our football team, which at least for most of the season hasn't been much to write home about, absolutely destroyed Syracuse in the Champs bowl tonight. I feel sorry for sports fans who try to find logic and reason behind these sorts of things.

WORD OF THE DAY: Sammich (n). A sandwich, with connotations of extra goodness. "For example, if you pour gravy on a roast beef sandwich, you now have a roast beef sammich." (stolen from urbandictionary.com). My personal definition: Subway sells sandwiches, but Publix makes a mean sammich! For correct usage, use extra emphasis on the "sam" part.

Beanie day

COLD AS HELL: Talking about the weather is boring. But it's cold. Real cold. Time for the beanie. Most people have one. The thing about beanies is, once you put them on, you can't take them off. You wear them all day, no matter how warm the room you happen to be in. You can't take them off because your hair looks like a dead animal crawled and nested neatly on your head. A crew cut would remedy this, but would almost guarantee hypothermia in the winter.

See, South Carolina simply isn't designed for this cold. We're used to the hot, so-humid-you-can-swim-in-it type weather. Down here, when it gets cold out, no one expects it. I know the scene is the same at everyone's house. You wake up in the morning, step outside to get the paper, and the expression of pure shock, "how the hell did it get like this?!" as the arctic blast slams you right in your inner thighs, 'cause you're standing there in your underwear none the wiser.

And this will repeat for about the first two weeks of cold weather until we finally realize, oh, it just might be cold outside. Southerners live in this denial. You'll see the occasional schmuck wandering around in shorts and a t-shirt, shivering like a chihuahua not because he's a badass, but because he, like everyone else that morning, forgot it was cold out, but was running late that day and didn't have time to find his one set of warm clothes which is buried in the back in his closet.

Come to think of it, I saw the same thing at Georgia Tech pretty frequently, except replace "southerner" with "computer science major" and note that the warm clothes were located next to a box of unused condoms in the back of said closet.

MOVIES: Saw Sideways tonight. A sign of a good movie is when it starts, you see the "Fox Searchlight Movies" logo or some other indication that it's an independent film bought by the major studios after it was done. It usually means it's a fresh script, different actors and directors, and generally something that will be more enjoyable. This was true for this movie. We went and saw it blind (I had forgotten what it was about), and luckily I wasn't dissapointed. Not an action movie or anything extreme, but it has its funny moments and its a good story. Recommended, makes a good chick flick.

JOTD: (Okay, more of Expression of the Day): "He's so far back in the closet, he's in Narnia!"